flordahboi
12-23-2006, 09:04 PM
When I was 17 I got in trouble after my dad died and I had to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety, problems with authority, and anger problems. I saw a psychiatrist for the problems for a little while but as I got older, the anxiety just got worse. Now I'm 22. I'm still getting in trouble alot. I use to drink every day and do drugs, but I don't anymore. Now I just drink every once in a while. But my anxiety is so bad where I have a hard time going out places at all. Like I have a hard time talking to a cashier or talking to a waitress or waiter at a restaurant or even my manager at work. Sometimes it doesn't even matter who I'm talking to. My heart will start beating really fast and before I speak my throat tightens up and it feels like I don't have enough air in my lungs to speak and my speech comes out all messed up or sometimes I just can't speak at all. When I get like this I also get really tired because my mind is always racing around about things like I'm in my own little world and away from everyone else. I can't help it. No matter what I do I still get like this. I'm beginning to think I might just need some kind of medication. I hate it because it keeps me from going out and doing things because I'm afraid of not being able to speak and embarassing myself. Sometimes I feel weird when I'm just walking alone by myself in public places too like people are watching me. I guess this might be some kind of social phobia? I don't have the kind of money I would need to speak with a psychiatrist like I probably should about it and I'd be too embarassed to talk to one anyways. I'm 22 and I should have already grown out of being shy by now. I know I'm not shy. I just don't know what's wrong with me. It's like im stuck in a daydream whenever I get like this or when go to public places sometimes. Its even kept me from going to college because I don't like being around a bunch of people I don't know in a classroom and if I'm asked to read something out loud I start panicking or if I have to do a presentation in front of the class I start having a panick attack every time.